Crowning Touch: When Seniors Make the Move

According to Linda Balentine, founder and CEO of Crowning Touch, a Roanoke - based senior moving services company that includes not only help with moving, but consignment, auction and real estate, the average age when senior Americans decide to move out of his/her/their home of record is 82. "Interestingly," she adds, "when they do move, the average distance between them and their nearest child is 200 miles." Balentine continues that when you consider the fact that in many cases these seniors' friends are choosing not to drive at night and they themselves either no longer drive or choose only close destinations, life "lots of times has become very lonely." Chris Desimone, with Anderson, Desimone & Green, PC, a legal practice focused on estate planning and elder law with o ffi ces in Roanoke and Blacksburg, agrees. "In truth, we are counselors as well as attorneys. Our strength is in noticing when there are signs of trouble, as in an 85 - year - old client who has lost a significant amount of weight. Or maybe when we walk a client out to his car and see dents along one side. Or on a visit to a lady's house we notice lots of expired food in the kitchen. When she pours the tea she may casually mention she hasn't left the house in weeks." With no small amount of emphasis, he adds: "Planning is Edna Miller moved to Brandon Oaks 8 years ago from Lexington, where she worked for the U.S. government since 1942.

It is vitally important that people be allowed to live in accord with their own goals "" Dave Meshorerk " " truly important, and the irony is that it is often the people who might need it the most who are not particularly ready to do it. Why is it crucial? They are planning for everything they own and everyone they love and that includes - or at least should include - themselves." Families Matter Those who work with seniors, from retirement community administrators to attorneys to financial advisors to psychologists and other health care professionals, agree that family dynamics are the key to e ff ective decision - making and successful outcomes.

Margo Brake, owner/administrator of Bethel Ridge Assisted Living in Fincastle, has, she says, seen the full range. "One couple brought their mother/mother - in - law in and insisted that she have her own things, including a piano. Then there was another woman whose state funding ran out. She couldn't hear well and basically didn't know where she was, but I knew changing places would be traumatic for her, so I agreed to work with the family and reduce our fees to basically just enough to cover our expenses of keeping her. She was already on Medicaid, and she was old enough that she had both children and grandchildren working. The amount they had to come up with, in addition to her Social Security, was not much more than around $50 each, and they wouldn't do it." Gary Heaton, pastor at Green Memorial Methodist Church in Roanoke, has a slightly di ff erent take on the issue. He discourages seniors who think they should write "pages In life, most of the time love takes the form of assuming someone else's burden.

It's called a privilege and pages of instruction." Drawing on both personal (his mother - in - law founded Blue Ridge Hospice and his mother was a hospice nurse) and professional ("like everyone else in my line of work, I baptize, I marry and I bury") experience, he argues, "The best thing you can do is to stay healthy; have strong, loving relationships; and let your children do what they know is good for you. This business of "not being a burden" is a less than healthy approach. In life, most of the time love takes the form of assuming someone else's burden. It's called a privilege." It's All About Independence "Today's octogenerians are the first to have had a car to drive their entire lives, so car keys can become a point of family conflict," Heaton continues. "When parent and child or siblings cannot agree, they call the pastor. It's almost like an intervention." Pat Martin, LPN, senior living specialist for Richfield, says that she spends 1.5 to 2 hours evaluating an incoming resident who steadfastly maintains he can remain independent, perhaps calling in a physician for consultation on physical agility or mental capacity in an e ff ort to give the incoming resident every chance to choose the style of living he wants. "I'd say one of the knottiest issues," Martin elaborates, "is an older person's inability to recognize when he needs help.

We often tell families it is crucial to make these decisions The transition from one's own home to assisted living can be a difficult and emotional process for families and loved ones. A much easier approach I recommend is Respite Care. Opportunities like a vacation or a weekend getaway is the best way I know to become familiar with an assisted living facility to determine if it is a good fit for an individual. At the same time, it can become their "home away from home". The transition is so much easier for everyone when the time comes because they are familiar with and trust the staff as well as already feel like part of the community. when the elder is able to reason for himself and actually participate in the process." A psychologist who gives the lie to the idea that his job is to lean back and tent his fingers, Dave Meshorer, PhD, LCP, works with adult patients of all ages. Currently, his oldest client is 103. He does both individual and family counseling, and his clients may have been referred to him by gerontologists and or may be living in nursing homes or other retirement facilities. "I cannot overemphasize the fact that it is vitally important that people be allowed to live in accord with their own goals," he says. "Too often families are so concerned about safety that they forget their mother or father may consider other things far more important." Mark Dellinger, of Rhodes, Butler & Dellinger, PC, in Roanoke, strongly agrees. "Every client is facing a di ff erent puzzle, but the beginning and overriding question is "What do you want?" Our demeanor in dealing with clients is every bit as important as our legal expertise. Some people want to be near their children. To others, a church family is important.

Or maybe they've lived in the Roanoke Valley their entire lives and staying right here is crucial." Chris Desimone is equally insistent. "You ask a person what is important to her, and if she really thinks about the answer, she can and will essentially write her own plan. My job is to listen hard enough." I ask if he or she trusts the person who has been designated 100 percent You ask a person what is important to her... she can and will essentially write her own plan.

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